Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday Lyrics - I Am

Probably one of the best songs to describe me right now.....

I Am
by Hillary Duff


I'm an angel
I'm a devil
I am sometimes in between
I'm as bad as it can get
And good as it can be
Sometimes I'm a million colours
Sometimes I'm black and white
I am all extremes
Try to figure me out
You never can
There's so many things
I am

I am special
I am beautiful
I am wonderful and powerful, unstoppable
Sometimes I'm miserable
Sometimes I'm pitiful
But that's so typical
Of all the things
I am

I'm someone filled with self-belief
I'm haunted by self-doubt
I've got all the answers
I've got nothing figure out
I like to be my myself
I hate to be alone
I'm up and I am down
But that's a part of the thrill
Part of the plan
Part of all of the things
I am

I am special
I am beautiful
I am wonderful and powerful, unstoppable
Sometimes I'm miserable
Sometimes I'm pitiful
But that's so typical
Of all the things
I am

I'm a million contradictions
Sometimes I make no sence
Sometimes I'm perfect
Sometimes I'm a mess
Sometimes I'm not sure who I am

But I am special
I am beautiful
I am wonderful and powerful, unstoppable
Sometimes I'm miserable
Sometimes I'm pitiful
But that's so typical
Of all the things
I am

I am special
I am beautiful
I am wonderful and powerful, unstoppable
Sometimes I'm miserable
Sometimes I'm pitiful
But that's so typical
Of all the things
I am
Of all the things
I am
Sometimes I'm miserable
Sometimes I'm pitiful
But that's so typical
Of all the things
I am
Of all the things I am

Thursday, May 10, 2012

What's your support system?


So I talked yesterday about my "wall".  I had hit it.  I hate hitting it because I get so darn down about everything when I do.  I didn't want to go through that again....I thought I wouldn't, but I did.  I'm still not completely over it, I don't think, but I'm getting there.

Anyhow, I went to step class last night after doing my running intervals (I really, really didn't want to do either), and this is how the conversation went:

Jane: "Hey!  We missed you at class last night!"

Me:   "Yeah, I was having a bad day...I hit the "wall" I always hit when I get about 6 weeks in where I don't want to do this anymore."

Jane: "You know, I get that way too.  Last night at class, I wanted to stop in the middle of it, but I didn't.  I just kinda marched in place."

Nellie:  "I feel that way too sometimes"

Me:  "It's just so HARD to get passed it.  It's like saying "why bother.""

Jane:  "Just remember, the next time you feel that way, that we are right here feeling like we are going to die with you.  You can get passed it."

I never really thought about it before, but I NEED that kind of support.  I don't get it at home....not that my hubby doesn't support me, he does.  He just does it in his own way, which is sometimes not the best way.  Sometimes it's more insulting than encourageing. 

That conversation makes me very thankful that I started this 6 weeks ago.  The hard work I have put in IS worth it and everyone is starting to see a difference.  The 20 pounds gone has been worth it.  The changes in the way I feel and the fact that I can now run for 3 consecutive minutes has been worth it.  The muscles I see in my arms have been worth it. 

I AM WORTH IT.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Proverbial Wall

Yup.

I've hit it.

I hit it HARD this morning.

I was sitting here litterally crying to my co-worker (who is also my work out buddy) that it's getting so hard to keep doing this.

Every time I hit this point, this is where I quit.

Why?

I have no clue.

Could be the little voice of my hubby in the back of my head that nags me saying "You'll never finish...you never do".

Could be fear of finally getting to goal, then what do I have to strive for?

Could be my body telling me "I hate you for making me work so hard"

Or it could be just the fact that it's getting near that time of month.

Who knows.

All I know is that if I don't make it past it this time, I'm officially just going to give up for good.  It's been over 19 years that I have yo-yo'd.  19 YEARS. 

But, I can't give up.  I have a great support system - at least here at work.  Even if Michael doesn't get it.  Or my kids.  At least Nellie and Jane and Ginny and Jane get it. 

But do I get it?

That's the biggest question.  Because if I don't get it and this is not for me, then what really is the point?

I didn't go to hip hop last night and I should have.  I have no excuse.  I AM going to run my intervals this afternoon.....then do step class with Nellie, then walk with Jody if it's not raining.

Tomorrow is the big class day....weight lifting (LOVE that class), Core class (abs/lower body) then BELLY DANCE...if there ever was a class I would marry, it would be belly dance, lol.

Ok, at least I'm partially laughing by the end of this post.  Let's see if I can get myself out of this funk....

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

**Insert whitty blog title here**

Ever have a problem naming your blog post?  What would that be called....blog block?

Ugh.

Yesterday was one of **those** days.  I didn't want to be at work. I didn't want to go to the gym...I didn't want to cook dinner.  It was just a day.

My workout buddy was on vacation from last Thursday to today.  She got back today, think God and will be heading to the gym tonight with me for hip hop class.  Now, my walking buddy has been a constant....but walking for me isn't enough.  I have to go to the gym, or I don't feel like I have done anything. 

I soooooooooooooo didnt' want to go last night.  But I did.

I did the Week 3/Day 1 workout of the C25K program.  It looked like this:

5 minute warm up (3.0 mph)
90 second run (4.7 mph)
90 second walk (3.2 mph)
90 second run (4.5 mph)
90 second walk (3.0 mph)
3 minute run (4.7 mph)
3 minute walk (2.8 mph)
3 minute run (4.5 mph)
5 minute cool down (3.0 mph)

2 miles in 30 minutes.  Not too shabby....that's .2 further than I have been going.  I'm going for distance, not speed right now.  Yeah, I know a lot of people walk normally at 4.5 mph.  I can't - not yet.

Then, we did zumba.  I really love zumba.  It's better than regular aerobics.  I like the music, the moves, and the instructor is the best.  She is the one who does the hip hop class too.  The firs time I did the hip hop class, I about past out.  I didn't eat very much before the class and I guess that is what happened.  My heart rate monitor didn't show anything funky.  So that has to be what happened.

After zumba, I met Jody for our regular walk.  We do 1.9 miles.  I got her up to that from the 1.2 miles we were doing for months.  I didn't want to get home and cook that late.  Getting home at 8pm and cooking dinner is getting really, really old.  But I dont' want to give up either my gym or the walk with Jody.  I cook dinners....we only eat out typically 1 day a week and that is Thursday when I get my big either chef or Greek salad from the local Italian place. 

So, needless to say, last night by the time I got home, I DID NOT want to cook.  I got a large Greek salad and paired that with mini pitas and hummus.  It was really good.  Tonight will be cube steak and a salad. 

Hopefully I feel like cooking :)

Monday, May 7, 2012

Impromptu Lake weekend

So, after my Zumbathon that I did on Saturday, we went with some friends to Hyco Lake.  It's a beautiful area in north-eastern NC. 

We usually go several times during the season.  Now, weather I go or not depends on if it's a "guys weekend".  Sometimes I do, just to make sure everyone comes back alive and they have a designated driver if they need one, and sometimes, I just stay home.

The weather wasn't that great - pretty overcast and off/on rain, but good for Megan so that she could still fish. 

Anyhow, long story short, here are some pictures from the weekend.  I'm not feeling very much like talking today, so until tomorrow....